Woman Camp

On May 21-22 I was given the opportunity, with 500 other women, to attend Crossroad's Woman Camp. The first day we were given time for "seclusion" after setting up camp and a brief introduction. One of the things we were told during the introduction was that people had been praying that God would reveal something to us that has been buried inside for so long that maybe we did not know it was there. I was cynical about this thought, but did not forget it.

During the 2 hours of time alone, one of the questions asked in the guide was, "Write 10 words to describe how you are feeling right now." I wrote more than 10, but the word that that took me by surprise was "angry". Not knowing where it came from, I continued my quiet time with God and went on my merry way. In order to have the complete experience, I visited the prayer team and was prayed that God would help me handle life better. The woman praying for me gave me two words: rest (real rest in Jesus) and permission (to cry, to feel, to love, etc.). I felt like God had spoken truth into my life and was happy that it had already been a successful weekend.

The rest of the day was amazing, including the feast and 2 hours of worship. Once I finally got in my sleeping bag, around 1 am, I fell asleep quickly. When I woke up the next morning, I pulled out my journal to process the rest of the prior day. As I was writing, my pen scribed, "I'm just so angry at Brent that we left my family so many years ago." What? There was that word again... angry. What?

I immediately knew that I needed help processing this. Yes, I'd left my family 12 years before to marry my husband. I knew that in the last 12 years we've had our ups and downs, which were mostly a roller coaster due to my constantly changing emotional status. I also knew that I'd tried to be a better wife, but no matter how hard I tried that I failed. Brent never forced me to follow him when we moved. He just asked asked me to come along for the adventure.

Without realizing it I had been living with anger and growing resentment toward my husband for what will be 12 years this July. I immediately went to find some prayer warriors. They led me through repentance and reminded me of God's forgiveness. They prayed over lies I'd been believing, such as I would never change and I would never lead anyone in my family closer to Jesus.

When I got home I explained the weekend to my husband. With open arms, Brent forgave me. Though I still have moments of frustration, they are not buried in bitterness toward him. I honestly gained back love in my marriage from Woman Camp. The last 2 weeks have been amazing! The main things I learned are to listen to God's voice and stop trying so hard. Let Jesus have everything. He's the only one who can handle it!